P.S. I've another Blog

http://www.o-livejuice.blogspot.com Just another place for me to write. I think the name's more me, anyway... ;)

1/1,000,000 Kaitlin Remembrances

So, it was a year ago today that my sister-in-law Kaitlin decided to leave us. Anniversaries of deaths are so strange to me because a year and a day ago she was still here. It's just weird. I know that my other sister-in-law and my mother-in-law are having a really hard time today, and I just hope that every day gets a little easier for them. Even in the smallest measurement. I hope that Kaitlin's decision was everything she was hoping it would be. I just imagine the 'afterlife' would be exactly how we would want it. Or at least the next stage in our being is Understanding and Acceptance. I think she would be happy just to Understand. Anyway, she and I never got too close and I think it was Darren's passing that kept us that way. I feel like she didn't want to let anyone in because it would interfere with her plans. But I know she had a great capacity for love, which I believe also was her weakness. But who could be mad at somebody for loving too much? Not me. I'm sad she's not here to experience everything our new, combined family will accomplish but I'm also relieved for her and happy? for her. When she was near me I could feel some of the weight she carried, though none of us thought it was as heavy all Reality bearing down on you. I'm just glad that the weight she was carrying has been lifted and that she is with the people who love her the most; both who've passed and who are still living. I still have dreams with her in it, and she's always accompanied by my deceased Opa, and occasionally with my favorite dog Tootsie who passed away too. And I like to think that it's them coming to visit me and letting me know they're ok and that they're keeping in touch. Gosh I didn't think I'd get this emotional! :'(

Every single person who knew her has all asked this question of themselves: "If only I had *done this* maybe she would still be here." I know I have. My main question to myself is "I wonder if I had made a harder effort to befriend her, maybe she could've opened up to me, and I could've helped." I really think that for the most part I'm a really grounded, level-headed person and I like to think that I've made a difference in one way or another with my friends. I feel like I could've helped. But the thing that helps me not feel guilty is knowing how hard-headed she was and how independent too. She wouldn't have let me help, I don't think. I think she felt like she owed it to Darren to be miserable. Don't get me wrong, I don't blame him (I don't blame anyone.) He wasn't in the right mind when he took his life. I met him once, and he seemed like a really nice guy. A little clingy, maybe, but a good guy. I feel like there had to be more going on with him than we know about than just Kaitlin.

Anyway, I hope they both have what they wanted, whether it's Understanding or each other.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO :* Christal

Ireland: 2010

Ok, Zack and I are officially going to Ireland next August!! It's on. Zack doesn't believe that we'll really go but we are. Our bookkeeper at work is going to put $75 of every paycheck into a savings for me, and then I'll put $100 of Zack's money every month into the savings account so we'll have a total of $250/month going in. So, if prices stay the same(ish) for the next 5 months, we can buy our tickets then. But we might just have to wait until the prices go back down if the rocket up. Right now they're $600-$700 per person but I heard that last fall they were $1700 per person! Yikes!! So if they go way up, I'll just wait until they go down, even if it means we end up in Ireland late September early October... we're going.

I'll be super excited to FINALLY meet my penpal (she lives in Dublin). She said we could stay at her place, but I'd feel like we're intruding. We'll definitely take her up on the offer for some of the time, but I know from experience that company can get old fast. So I'd hate to outstay our welcome. We'll be in Ireland for like 2 weeks and that's a long time for company to squat.

Anyway, we'll definitely be pubbing, eating, exploring, driving, and staying in crappy, little, experience-building motels/hostels a lot, but there are a few things I definitely want to do:

First thing - visit Leap Castle. Ghost Hunters on the SciFi channel investigated it. It's supposed to be on of the most haunted castles in Ireland with a gruesome past. Of course I'll probably visit it during the day because while yes, I find it interesting, I'm still a big fat chicken. http://www.hauntedcastlesandhotels.com/Ireland/leap.htm

Second thing - Visit Lisheen Ruins/House. Ghost Hunters also investigated this site on the same episode as Leap Castle. It wans't so much haunted as it was supernatural. There were like little teeny bodies appearing out of nowhere on the thermal video camera, and then the caught a face of a wrath or something also. It's my favorite episode. It was the most eventful. This site I will also visit during the day. I don't need to be kidnapped by wraths.... ;)


Third thing - buy a real, genuine, gold claddagh ring. You just can't go to Ireland and not get one of the most iconic Irish things ever made.

Fourth thing - maybe get a tattoo? Something to remind of our time spent there? Not a shamrock, that's too typical. Maybe a.... small Leap Castle portrait? Like a 3''x2'' portrait? I don't know. I've got time to think about it.

Fifth thing - bring back some Irish tea. Hazel (my penpal) sent me some and it was awesome.

Well, I'm sure I could go on and on and on about all the different things I want to do, but I won't... well maybe I will. But in a later post. Anyway, I'm super psyched, motivated and we're definitely going.

First Harvest!

Look at my beautiful little baby radishes! They're super good if you like radishes; nice and tender with a good kick of spice in the middle. I'm so happy! I growing stuff!!

Ode to my wonderful ladies

Last night Zack and I were talking and I came to a giant realization that I have so many great girls surrounding me. My mom is just awesome all around. She's strong, eclectic, and loving.

My pretty sister would do anything for me. Yes, she's pushy and bossy, but that's only because she's so convicted in her beliefs and has a strong opinion. She's going to do the world a lot a of good. She'd be the one who'd be my accessory to a crime if I needed a hand.

My step-mom is one of the sweetest, most patient people I know, not to mention a good cook and a great gardener. That's why my garden's called "St. Snoopy's Patch" because she's the best patron for the job.

My Oma is beautiful and sweet and rarely cusses but when she does it's like hearing a dog speak, it's the weirdest thing.

My best friends Harmony, Britney, and Erin have so many great qualities and the greatest quality they have is acceptance. And all of them are so different! Harmony's my beautiful hippy-chick, Britney's really simple in style but totally funny, and Erin's so colorful and artistic. I love them all.

And even though Valen and I've sort of grown apart, I value her friendship and I know she'd be there for me if I needed it. She's my g-l-a-m-o-r-o-u-s friend ;).

And Roxy too! We've never gotten too close, but I love how wacky she can be!

Harmony's mom is just a beautiful person. She was like a third mother to me (I've been blessed with lots of moms.)

I even have an great pen-pal, who I've never met, but she's been my friend for about.... a year and a half now. She's my shopping buddy. We're always broke together with our Ebay adventures!

And I can see me and Beth being really close friends. We're at different stages in our life but I think we're still a lot alike. I need to go see her soon.

I'm sure there are more out there, but these are the girls that hold an especially special place in my heart... I'm just super grateful for all of them.
Love you guys! ~~~Christal

I'm So Over Durango...

Like it says, I'm so over Durango. I'm sick of the construction, of faux cowboys. I really like the climate (apart from the snow), I love my friends and the greenery. But it's too damn expensive, and the town can't hold all the people who live here now. And that's why there's all the construction. But the construction won't be done probably for like 20 years with the damn bridge they messed up on, the highways that need to be widened, and that damn Florida Rd project. And all the unreported, covered up crime is just stupid. Did you know, last week some idiots on the "South"side" shot out the catholic church's hall windows, and the paper didn't report it.

I've been checking out this site called http://www.smalltowngems.com/ for other nice small towns to move to. I came upon one I liked called Big Fork in Montana (one of my best friends is moving to Montana so I decided to check it out.) The only thing is that it's sooooo far away, sooooo far north, and so supposedly pretty nasty winters. Which is not me. So I continued browsing the states and checked Nevada and found a small town called Genoa http://www.genoanevada.org/. It's super cute! But I figured out that it's newspaper is in Carson City. So I think it's kinda what Hesperus must be to Durango, you know? So I started checking out the area and Carson city is right near Lake Tahoe (which I seriously need to live near water), it's in between where my mom lives (Durango) and where my dad lives (Los Angeles). Here's some pictures of Carson City http://www.visitcarsoncity.com/

So anyway, I'm checking it out....

But I won't be moving very soon if I move at all. I want to go to school first. And I think I've decided to become a Dental Hygienist. I think I'd be really good at it. So that takes 2 years to complete schooling for that. So maybe after.... 5 years, I might move. Now, I have to get my husband on board.

Are women born this way?

Pretty Funny! The title to this video is "Are Women born this way?"

I've totally got a girl-crush...

...on Megan Fox. She's pretty much the hottest girl ever, I think.

Work sometimes sucks...

So Zack and I both are a little nervous about our jobs... Some things are going down at Zack's work that may end his job (through no fault of his own), but then again, he could just be overthinking things. And then there's my work. I really love my job and everyone I work with. The problem is my boss is too young, and has too many kids, and has too much money he owes right now. He's like $1,000,000.00 in debt with school loans, buying the practice, buying a house, car payments and then supporting his family... It sucks because I'm doing damn good with this practice and it will never be enough because we need to bring in like $5000.00 a day for him to get anywhere, and that's not gonna happen. That won't happen anywhere. And now his wife is talking about taking our benefits away like the paid holidays, vacation time, overtime, etc... because it'd be a way for them to make more money. But you know what? I'm not standing for that. I'm sorry they bit off more than they can chew but that's not my fault. I'm a damn good office manager and the patients love me, I could another job in no time. Oh! And for Christmas we got $100.00 bonus; but most other practice's in town got $1000.00!!! I'm getting pissed off. Because no matter what, no one here will get a raise or anything until he pays his loans off. And I don't think I'm willing to hang around for the day that things might get better in TEN years or however long it takes. And what's more: he bought this practice from another doctor who had back-asswards way of collecting money. Like letting them make $15.00 payments a month until their $2000.00 bill was paid off. He spoiled them all, so now when I try to get the money upfront, peole pitch a big fit about it. I came into this office with the AR totally messed up, no rules, no recall (getting people to come in for cleanings), a cluttered office, ALL KINDS OF MESS and it's 500% better since I've been here. And yes, it's taken me a long time to clean things up and get things figured out, but they need to realize that shit's better because of me. Anyway, we'll see how it goes. Maybe I'll need to find another job. I'd rather not.

Little Baby Raccoon

This little guy was so lost and outside my office today. I hope he's ok. He crossed the road twice...

Peeling Po-tay-toes....

I'm totally going to try this....

Hmm, what if....

Ok so I was just watching the Terminator preview which has me wondering: Ok, say 1000 years in the future we finally figure out how to travel back in time. Well what if we try and travel back in time to now or even further to try and change it? And what's more, what if everyone is capable of making their own future? So say I disagree with my decision to tan so much because in the future I'm haggard looking and I'm in the year 3009 (because yes, I'm living to be 1021 years old), I could just come back and change it and make my own future. What if everyone could do it? What if we end up living forever because we can just go back and do over our mistakes? So, maybe time would forever be bouncing all over the place with whoever decides to change it? Which brings me to dimensions. What if the path we're on right now is just on way we could've gone? And there's an infinite number of dimensions continuing on as if I chose something different? Maybe in one I'm a celebrity, maybe in one I'm homeless, maybe in one I already have 10 kids... weird.

More Garden

So yesterday and today were great. I got tons of blonde highlights put into my hair for the summer yesterday on top of getting to leave work early. And today I went tanning, got my toes and my nails done, went to Albertson's to get some crab legs for our anniversary (which is tomorrow!) and went to Walmart and found some surprisingly good-looking tomato plants. Then when I came home, I dug right into the garden (if you'll pardon the pun;) .) Anyway, it looks really good. I had to replant the squash, the carrots, the cucumbers, and the green beans but that's just fine. I added my cantolope, watermelon, more onions, more radishes, peas, sweet basil and tomatoes and I need to start some peppers indoors tonight. Anyway, the picture of the rows of sprouts is of my corn!!

My Projects

My next project

My coffee table before My coffee table after

Thrifting with my buddy! turned into Mad Pride?

Yesterday was so much fun. My friend Erin and I went to 4 different thrift stores in town and found some super cute things. I got a dress, a top, a skirt, a giant flower, a picture holder and maybe some other stuff. Oh, and we stopped at the Art Supply store and I bought a pastel set and some special pastel paper. I saw myself one morning when I had woken up to get in the shower of me with smeared makeup, naked (though nothing was showing), and my hair was down and my neck looked really long and slightly bent, and since then I've wanted to put that vision in pastels. I'm not seeing it as a beautiful, fairy picture but more dark, you know? Erin would get it. It'll be weird to be putting myself on paper though. I think though when it comes to art, I tend to be darker anyway. Maybe I'll become really good and create a festival of sorts for off-beat artists. That'd be awesome. I was looking the other day at this link I found to "mad pride" which is an organization for people with mental disabilities. But instead of trying to change who they are, they're embracing their abnormality, which I think is great as long as they're not a threat. Anyway, a bunch of them do lots of artwork to help cope and to help express themselves, and I've never seen art with such feeling before. Maybe it helps to know that yes, they are troubled. And yes, they love who they are anyway. I don't have any disabilities, I don't think. But it doesn't mean I'm not intrigued with the darker parts of life. Who isn't? Anyone who says they aren't are jsut saying it so others won't think they're dark. Anyway.... Here's the link to the article with pictures of the art some of these mad pride people haev created. I especially like the one of the blue skinned man...
http://www.newsweek.com/id/195476

Update: Valen made it to town!

Valen, me, and Britney!

In the garden...

So yesterday, Zack and I got up at 9:30am and immediately started working on the garden. Zack tilled and tilled and tilled until we hit clay... which is incredibly hard. Anyway, we built a fence around it to keep the dogs out, and I planted everything except the cantaloupe and watermelon, because I hear you're supposed to keep those inside as long as you can. So I think I will plant those next weekend. So, all together we'll have radishes, lettuce, carrots, corn, yellow and green squash, zucchini, cucumbers, watermelon, cantaloupe, green beans, onions, and tomatoes... I've planted them sort of earlier than most people are daring too because everyone's scared of it frosting. But if my sprouts die, I'll just replant them. They grew a ton in only a week and I have plenty of seeds leftover. Plus, it might not frost. But it could also frost as late as June (i.e. last June it had snowed!) Anyway, here's a picture....

And we've named it "St. Snoopy's Patch" in honor of the best step-mom in the world: Snoopy. She has the greenest thumb I know and is the perfect patron for any garden.

Pleiades

I just wanted to post my favorite Constellation: The Pleiades. It's just so pretty... Plus it has the best myths surrounding it...

We'll see

So my best friend from High School Valen said she'd come visit in March. She didn't. Then she said she was coming in April... She's not. She's saying she's coming to visit in May... We'll see. She hasn't been home in like 2 years. But in her defense, she started her life in New York and becoming glamorous. She said she's been away in Connecticut filming a movie, I wonder what kind?? *Sigh* ...my fabulous friend...

My new Tattoo!! (Sshh! Don't tell my Dad, yet....)

So here's a picture of my foot and my blue toe nails.... :) And my tattoo! It hurt SO badly!!! They say the top of the foot is the worst place to get a tattoo, and they aren't kidding (even though it's the only place I have one.) It felt like ten needles were literally gouging into my flesh only since it was my foot, they hit bone instead. But I don't regret it! I still love it. I've had it about a week. And for those of you who don't know what it is, it's a Sand Dollar. There was a guy at Your Flesh (where I got it) who kept calling it a Sand Olive, but he was from England, so he's excused.

Anyway, there it is!

Oh and my Birthday was a ton of fun. I had my first beer (as a 21er) with my mom at Gazpacho's and then I met Zack at Francisco's. Then we met our friends at the Diamond Belle, met more friends at the Irish Embassy, and then ended the night at Derailed. And I didn't get sick so it was a complete success. Except I'm really mad at myself because my mom bought me this really nice breathalizer for my Birthday and I forgot to check and see what my BAC was when Zack and I got back to our hotel! Oh well. I do know that after my first beer I was .02 and the next morning I was .00. But you know something funny? My husband was .09 the next morning!! It was a lot of fun. And to my friends who were with me: I love you. And to my friends who couldn't make it:.... well I love you too!

Phew! So far my mom's ok...

So my mom's had mini stroke I guess lately and just had an MRI done yesterday and the doctor said it's not her brain. I was super worried about that because I haven't known anyone to survive brain cancer/tumor... But at least it's ok. But now we just have to figure out what it is that's causing her strokes.

On another note: I get my tattoo on monday! I'll post a picture as soon as I can. I'm so excited for it!

Our New Puppy

Updated Picture:

So we got a new puppy yesterday! She's super cute. She's blond and she's beagle/basset/black lab... We've only had her like 12 hours but we're in love! We named her Indie (tentatively) and she gets along really well with our current dog, Dale (though she keeps trying to nurse on him.) But she and Zack are bonding today. I'll put up a better picture of her as soon as I get one. She looks like a little golden lab. Anyway, there she is!

Success!

I just learned how to send a text to my blog!!! Hence the "test" below!! Awesome...

test

test

I am:

My name is Christal. I'm fun, I love to travel, I believe in love. I got married when I was 20 and no I don't think it's too young. My California friends thought it was way weird. I love my husband and we've been together almost 3 years and almost married for 1. I love my pets and cooking (I just hate cleaning up. I'm not one of those neat freak girls. I'm not dirty, just messy. I guess you could say I thrive in chaos.... like a genius...jk.) I have 3 best friends; Harmony, Britney, and Erin. I really miss the ocean; more and more as I think about it. But I don't think I'll be able to move to the ocean anytime soon *sad*. Hmmm... what else? I'm generally a pretty happy positive person, but I have a secret love for the darker side of things. It interests me, you know? Probably just because it's so unknown to me. It's also taboo which is inviting to anyone.